OK, you're right, it's me. I'm getting old. I like to have peace when I shop, and room for my imaginary bevy of security guards and bag-carriers to follow me around without crashing into the eighties revival.
But I'm going to dash out for these lovely tights from Topshop. Worn with a short dark wool skirt, calf-length biker boots and a short belted coat, they might help me masquerade as a Bright Young Thing, just like you.