Sunday, January 8, 2017

my condensed book

For decades now I've had the vaguest notion, like yourself, of writing a book. Something that will fly off the eye-level shelves, perhaps 'The Hue-Chooser's Daughter: a Guide to Land Rover Restoration' or some annotated minutes from meetings I've had the great pleasure to attend.


But the years chug past, and I am in my forties, although I don't consider them to be 'my' forties, but rather forties that someone else has gracelessly foisted upon me with an exhortation not to stay up for them. So I am thinking now that I will bypass the cinema screen and go straight to DVD, as it were, by writing the condensed version of my book. This approach avoids the nitty-gritty of character-development and nuance, and frees me to hone in on plot-line. No doubt there are fine plots on the internet that I can steal. And there we are.



Golf-playing honchos of the Reader's Digest who are reading this, I invite you to get in touch now. The Condensed Books Commissioning Editor, the CEO or other C-Level executives only please: someone who is empowered to sign the uncondensed cheques.  I am here ready to put down my doughnut the very second the phone rings.
   

26 comments:

  1. I'm glad that comments are back because now I can ask what is this golf emphasis of late? Is it late, a foisted forties thing, or is it of long-standing unblogged renown? I'm afraid I'm of the Mark Twain school of golf, despite sharing a native land with Monsieur McIlroy, but shall hang in there for the condensed book. Sorry, no uncondensed chequebook here. But could supply encouraging comments on the facebook page?

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    1. I can always rely on you, dear Mags, to stand up for me with encouraging comments in the witness-box of life, while over in the dock I am sporting a peachy pink cashmere jumper, a pair of diamond-patterned golfing trousers and an upmarket baseball cap bearing the logo of my sponsor-to-be (the Reader's Digest)

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  2. Dear Mise, I am delighted to see this post, though perplexed why I had not noticed the Golf Biscuits post. (Perhaps I was too busy baking my Christmas star cookies back in December.)

    As ever, you've made me smile.

    I have a little Reader's Digest anecdote. In the 1970s, when I worked at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, we workers often saw Mrs. Lila Acheson Wallace, the check writing owner of Reader's Digest and major donor to the Met. She was given little tours of the main floor of the Met in a motorized golf cart sort of vehicle so that she could see what she'd been paying for, like the beautiful flower arrangements that enhanced the Great Hall.

    True.

    I wish you and yours a very Happy New Year. I am now allocating some of my online time to Instagram, as well as blogging. xo

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    1. Would that she were still alive, Frances, so that beautiful flower arrangements could enhance my own Great Hall, as I like to call my Front Porch.

      I see it is time for me to visit you on Instagram. If you are embracing change, who am I to be left behind?

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  3. Is your daughter still pink, or has she turned a little browner through age? That book would be good.

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    1. Sorry Tom, can't chat now; waiting for the phone to ring

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    2. Don't speak with your mouthful...

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    3. It is a middleclass doughnut, with kale. I will have you know.

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  4. I have a poncho so even though I do not play golf, feel qualified to offer this advice -
    go straight to Amazon and self publish. All the best people do. My friend Maddy for instance.
    Murder on the Strike of Five by M P Peacock. (She owes me).

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    1. Any literary friend of yours who is in receipt of an uncondensed cheque is a friend of mine, Lucille. Her book is certainly very favourably reviewed.

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    2. Her cheque was very dilute I'm afraid, but favourable reviews are very heartening and tell you who your friends are.

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  5. Synopsis along the lines of Jane Eyre meets Blade Runner.

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    1. There's my plot, thank you Rachel.

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  6. Hi, I'm glad you're back, Mise!
    As to "years" - don't care, write a book as Sue Limb "Love Forty". (She always makes me giggle - I followed her 'Up the Garden Path' and everywhere, and we exchanged even notes because of translation, but then a German publisher withdrew.

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    1. Those damned German publishers, Britta, with their narrow focus on world affairs.

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  7. My book has been made into a film but it was all written under my pen name of course.
    Tom has been very biased and only mentioned pink daughter ..... blue daughter will be mortified so I'm rectifying the situation ..... is blue daughter now a delightful shade of Violet ? So lovely to chat with you again Mise. XXXX

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    1. Blue daughter is black like yourself now, Jacqueline. Only the very best people are black.

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    2. She has great taste and I like to think that I had a hand in her blackness !!! XXXX

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  8. Oh Mise...so glad your back once in awhile. I've missed your wit.

    RD shall not be named in this household, however. They rejected my hilarious anecdote for their "Life in These United States" feature two decades ago, and I received no check. I have never forgiven the oversight. Hrrumph.

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    1. What utter meanies they are, my dear, and surely it is no coincidence that it is from two decades ago that I date their decline.

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  9. But surely, my dear, murder is all that is required by way of a plot.

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  10. Mise, your intelligent wit always makes my day! I feel perhaps your talent is wasted on anything too long anyway, where the sparkle can be dimmed needlessly by the tedium of plots and character developments and arcs and the like. Do Reader's Digest need a condensed advice columnist, perhaps?

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  11. Alas, not having a great deal of shelf space left in my very humble abode, and sadly, no beautiful pink sofa, I shall have to wait, with great trepidation, for the time when I can purchase your excellent book from Amazon, for my Kindle. I am sure, whatever subject you choose, it will immediately go to number one, and earn five stars from all the many discerning reviewers. I wait with bated breath.....

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You're looking particularly well.

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